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Monday, 21 May 2012

New Beginnings: The Reunion

First sight.
Wow; where to begin? We got a late start and there was lots of traffic,being the long weekend and all. We were on the road; Forgot the directions, no  phone number, but we were on the road and I knew where we were going. It was like going home.
Getting to know each other again.
 I so nervous. We shake hands and instantly embraced on another. I swear we were holding each other up. Instant comfort, a feeling of belonging.
 He himself came off as intelligent, but not a know  it all. You could tell he works hard has done a lot. Neither one of us had much to say. Just being there, enjoying the moment was enough.
 I went into it with no expectations and the day was wonderful. I wish I had more to say but he was so open that all questions were answered. Leaving the past where it belonged and lived in the moment.
 I think I'm still in shock, come to think of it. My brother and sister were great and the whole family was just so welcoming that instead having to break the ice, we walked on water.  Our situation and distance makes it hard to know when we will be able to do it again, but its an amazing feeling to have started to fill the void I 've had all my life.

Sunday, 20 May 2012

New beginnings: Waiting to Meet Him

Well I survived the first week of school and entered the first exam with a solid 70%. Although I struggled with a few things, I am pretty sure I got the grade. With the first course behind me its time to move forward. Onto something fresh. Which leads me to the long weekend. Victoria Day weekend.
 The May 24 weekend has always been known for its big events. This year it marks a grand reunion.We are heading out, shortly, to meet my Dad soon. I can say, I'm a little nervous. Anxiety is through the roof. What if things aren't all happy, happy, joy ,joy. Are we all going to get along? Whats my Mom think? There is a lot to consider. This affects the whole family, wife and kids, not just me.
 The children are gaining a whole family they never knew. Do they have a clue? I can't expect them to understand what is happening. They are gaining Grand parents, Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. The works. I can hear it now. How come he was my Grandpa yesterday or why don't we know them before now? I'm sure they will be okay with everything.I'm just nervous. Projecting my anxiety on them.
 I'm sure it will be a good thing. This is going to be awesome. So much change, so much confusion, so much to accept. This all for the benefit of family. We need to be strong for and with each other. All I can say is Can't wait.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

New Beginnings: The Phone Call

 Although I have had my Dads phone number for over a week now, I still haven't called.At the same time I Emailed him my number too. It came down to an inbox on Facebook tonight from my step mother, she asked for my number again. I instantly replied and said call anytime.
 I carried on with getting the trash ready, not thinking anymore of the message. As I was heading for the door with the garbage the phone rang. My heart skipped a beat. I knew it was him. My Dad was on the other end of the phone. First time I've heard his voice in over thirty years, but I recognized his voice immediately. Hard to believe I could remember what he would sound like but I did.
 Once the hellos were over with we were both ready for the awkward moments of silence, but there weren't any. We tried figuring out how to get our clans together at one time in one place. He says there are ten of them that want to meet us and with my five,soon to be six, that's a whole lot of people to get on the same page.
 We agreed to see if I can find my way to them, failing that my Dad and his wife,Camilla, would come here and we'd meet the rest another time. I'm really looking forward to this. If all goes well I'll be calling him in a couple of day to figure out when and where, balls back in my court.But that's ok.
 As we said our good byes I called him Dad. First time I can remember saying that word to him. My voice wavered as I said it. Kathryn says it was the only time that there was any sign of breakdown in my voice. Up to this point, it has always been Carl. Now I'm somewhere between acceptance and comfort. He is my Dad and deserves a chance.
 Facebook has been an icebreaker of sorts.Kathryn and I feel like we already know my sister. The phone call would have never happened if we did not connect on line first. Now that all the initial hellos are over with, its time to move forward to a brighter future.

Monday, 14 May 2012

New Beginnings: First Day

 Today was my first day of school.Trios College is the school I attend.This morning nerves were shot. Over whelming anxiety. These feeling plague me all the way across town to the campus. The bus ride was seemingly longer then usual. I dread every stop we passed.
 Upon arrival I was ushered into line with all the other new students; signed in and received my books. Logging into the schools computers was the usual third times a charm. The professor and other students were more then willing to help and did so when they saw others needing help. Even I found myself helping others log in after I got settled.
 Once class started, we jumped right into things. Power point. We covered two lessons today, which I felt comfortable doing. All computer work, little note taking but overall nothing to extraordinary. I now know how to create basic slide presentations and learned how to use a flash drive.
 The end of the day couldn't come soon enough. I wanted to get home to my family. I'm not used to being gone all day, which is the only draw back I see to this whole experience so far. In time we will all adjust and things will get easier.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Service Expantion

ALFS4 is expanding its services again. We joined up with ZeekRewards and now offer an on-line store and Penny Auction. This one really works I have seen the proof. I know someone earning $23 a day after six months working with ZeekRewards.
Check out ALFS4 for this and other on-line services and opportunities.

Thursday, 10 May 2012

New Beginnings: Orientation Day

My student card
 Today was orientation day at Trios College. I spent my first hours, in a class room, in 18 years or so. Thank God, it was orientation. Nothing sunk in. Three hours of blah blah blah. My first tour of the place when I applied was more informative. It was like watching an infomercial live.
 Don't get me wrong today held a lot of information. There is a self help manual they gave us to assist in our studies and career pursuits. Its based on the 8 cornerstones of high performance. which are:
Educational and career vision
Self management skills
Workplace skills
Personal life
These are key traits to success.
 After we discussed succeeding as a student;the program director took over the presentation an introduced the faculty.
 So I'm realizing that I may struggle with absorption of info at first. This concerns me for the plain simple fact of all I recall is"Blah blah blah." They could have given everyone a password for an automatic pass and I totally missed it. Of course once class starts I'll be taking notes and I will have text books to turn to when my notes fail me. So I believe I stand a good chance of survival.

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

New Beginnings: Family Decisions

 Where to begin, It started around Christmas with an in box from a name I knew along time ago. A cousin from my fathers side of the family said they wanted to get to know me. Here several months later I am faced with a dilemma I knew I would come to face all my life. I'm in the process of getting to know my father for the first time in memory. I am 36.
 With going back to school being an issue, along the expecting of a new baby, this comes as an added stress I never considered at this time in life. I had already given up years ago. I carried a lot of resentment for many years of vain-less searching. Lived with misdirected anger all my life, now that source has met me face to face during an already turbulent time in my life. Years ago I shed the anger and resentment and moved on.
 Now here I sit with an opportunity to learn a new level of acceptance as I welcome him and his family into our lives with open arms. I can't help but feel like we are having an Oprah moment.
Is it all just a flash in the pan. Will they stick around after initial introductions are done and over with? Will we all get along? What happens next? So many thoughts and questions. Things that don't belong keep popping up but how do you ignore over 30 years of absence. Its all so confusing.
 The internal emotional struggle is very apparent and through deep breathing exercises and visionary type quest for enlightenment have helped aide in keeping the facts and situation straight in my head. But as time for physical meetings approaches , it leaves me leery as to my natural reaction. How to stop the inevitable breakdown. Emotions will be heightened and hard to keep in check. The hardest part will be with being  honest without hurting them. Letting go is the solution. Moving forward with an once removed branch of family and hope for the best.